–  13.7 percent (more than one out of eight respondents) found it hard to stay away from the internet for several days at a time
–  12.4 percent stayed online longer than intended very often or often
–  12.3 percent had seen a need to cut back on internet use at some point
–  8.7 percent attempted to conceal non-essential internet use from family, friends and employers
–  8.2 percent used the internet as a way to escape problems or relieve a negative mood
–  5.9 percent felt their relationships suffered as a result of excessive internet use

According to Elias Aboujaoude, MD, lead author of the study, a small but growing number of internet users are starting to visit their doctors for help with unhealthy attachments to cyberspace.  He said these patients’ strong drive to compulsively use the internet to check emails, make blog entrees or visit websites or chat rooms, is not unlike what sufferers of substance abuse or impulse-control disorders experience: a repetitive, intrusive and irresistible urge to perform an act that may be pleasurable in the moment but that can lead to significant problems on the personal and professional levels.

While online pornography and online gambling have received the most media attention, the Stanford study concluded that users are as likely to use other websites, including chat rooms, shopping venues and special-interest websites.

Do you have a problem?

Whether your internet use can be termed an “addiction” or not, it’s most important to determine if your internet use is causing any disruption in your life.  Do you find yourself spending more and more time online at a greater and greater cost to your real life?  Is your internet use causing problems in your relationships, family, at work or school?  If your excessive use of the internet is causing problems in other important areas of your life, then your internet use is a problem.

What to do

Recognizing and admitting that your excessive use of the internet is negatively impacting your life is the first step toward overcoming it.  You can build the strength to overcome your problem, develop alternatives to it, and learn to live a healthy and full life.  Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can help you get started by providing you with CONFIDENTIAL counseling, referrals and/or information.  Remember, your EAP is always available to help you or your dependents with any type of personal, family or work-related concern.  Why not call an EAP counselor today?  We’re here to help.

Unhealthy ways of coping with stress

The health consequences of chronic stress are made worse when stress is managed in unhealthy ways.  If you practice any of these unhealthy behaviors, it is recommended that you cut back or eliminate these behaviors and adopt healthier strategies to manage stress.

Emotional eating – According to the latest Stress in America survey conducted by the APA, twenty-eight percent of Americans say they turn to food to help alleviate stress or help deal with problems.  Comfort eaters report higher levels of stress than average and exhibit higher levels of all the most common symptoms of stress, including fatigue, lack of energy, nervousness, irritability, and trouble sleeping.  Additionally, comfort eaters are twice as likely as the average American to be obese.

Using alcohol – Using alcohol to deal with stress is never a good idea.  Using alcohol, like the use of any drug, can lead to problems of abuse or dependence.  If you regularly use alcohol to relieve stress there is a risk that you will require more and more alcohol to get the stress-relieving affect you are seeking.  Additionally, using alcohol doesn’t help you think more clearly or problem-solve effectively to find solutions to the problem that is creating the stress in the first place.

Smoking – Just as with emotional eating and using alcohol, smoking does not help solve your problem, it only hides it.  The cause of your problem remains.  And, the relief from smoking only lasts a short time.  Soon your stress returns and you will feel the need to smoke another cigarette.  Additionally, smoking actually causes more stress than it relieves.  According to the American Heart Association, smoking is the single most alterable risk factor contributing to early death in the U.S.

Consequences of compulsive spending

One of the main differences between compulsive spending and non-compulsive spending is that compulsive spending usually results in negative consequences.  Some of these consequences are:

– Stress from increased debt or trying to figure out how to pay for everything
– Marital or relationship difficulties due to hiding overspending or lying about it
– Legal, family and relationship difficulties caused by massive credit-card debt
– Guilt and shame associated with the problem of compulsive spending
– Increased anxiety and depression

What’s behind compulsive spending?

Compulsive spending is a symptom of a bigger problem.  Compulsive spenders use shopping as a way to improve their mood or avoid troubling feelings like depression, sadness, anger, emptiness, boredom or low self-esteem.

Do you have a problem?

Review the questions below.  If you answer “yes” to more than one of these questions, you may be a compulsive spender:

– Do you shop as a means of relieving stress or escaping everyday problems?
– When you are shopping, do you experience feelings of euphoria and excitement?
– Do you feel guilty or remorseful after shopping?
– Do you ever hide your purchases from relatives or loved ones?
– Do you buy things on credit that you would not normally buy if you had to spend cash?
– Is your shopping habit causing emotional stress, financial debt or ruined credit in your life?

What to do

Admitting that your spending is out of control is the first step to overcoming a problem.  If you need help, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for confidential assistance.

Self-help anger management tips

Unhealthy responses to anger can ruin your personal relationships, undermine your work life and job effectiveness, and damage your physical and emotional health.  If you have a tough time controlling your anger, try these self-help anger management tips:

1. Practice deep breathing. If you feel yourself getting angry, don’t let it build up until you have a violent outburst.  Try breathing deeply from your diaphragm in long, slow breaths, giving your heartbeat a chance to slow down.  Repeat a word such as “relax” or “calm” as you breathe.  Breathing deeply will ease your tension.

2. Change your environment. Get out of the situation if you need to.  The quickest way to uncouple yourself from a source of anger is to take a five-minute walk and get some fresh air.  The walk will help you calm down and the break can give you time to think about the cause of your anger.  Find someone to talk things over with, who can help you calm down and gain perspective.

3. Let go of what is beyond your control. You can change only yourself and your responses to others, not what others do to you.  Getting angry doesn’t fix the situation and makes you feel worse.  If someone constantly arouses your anger, focus on the troublesome situation and brainstorm solutions.

4. Express yourself. Learn to express angry feelings in an assertive manner, using calm, logical words rather than aggression.  In a non-confrontational way, state that you are angry and identify the situation that makes you angry and why it ticks you off.

You might think that an alcohol or drug problem belongs to the person who is drinking or taking drugs.  But if a family member has a problem, then you have a problem too.

Families operate as a system in which each family member’s behavior affects every other member’s behavior.  The abuser’s behavior affects all family members, producing painful and difficult feelings in response.  At the same time, the other members of the family – unintentionally – develop patterns of behavior that make it easier for the problem drinker or drug user to continue their substance abuse.  This behavior is referred to as enabling.  Here are some examples of enabling:

• Denying that there is a problem, or dismissing the problem as a small one.
• Rescuing the abuser from the consequences of his or her use, such as by “calling in
  sick,” covering up for a broken promise, or lending money.
• Taking over the abuser’s responsibilities, making allowances or excuses, forgiving
  unforgivable behavior or to continue trying to be loving and caring in the face of abuse.
• Reinforcing drug use by participating in occasions where it is used.

What to do

Contacting your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a great place to start if you suspect that a family member might have a problem with alcohol or drugs.  A professional EAP counselor can help you assess your situation and help you determine the best way for you to help yourself, your drug using family member, or other family members.  Your EAP counselor can help you deal with your own frustrations in dealing with a substance abuser and give you information about how to most effectively confront your drug abusing family member.  You may also find it helpful to attend an Al-Anon meeting where family, friends and loved ones of alcoholics and drug addicts share their experience, strength and hope as they struggle to cope and come to terms with the effects of addiction.

Additionally, a survey conducted by the Better Sleep Council reports that “sleep deprivation” impacts alertness at work, productivity and your ability to socially interact with co-workers.  The bottom line: Quality sleep is vital to your health, happiness and productivity.  According to the latest research, the human body still needs 7-8 hours of sleep per night (the recommended average for adults).

Tips for healthy sleep

To improve the quality of your nightly sleep, the National Sleep Foundation recommends the following:

1.  Schedule time for sleep.  Just like we manage the many things on our “to do” lists, sleep is an appointment that you can not miss.  When the quality of your sleep improves, so does your mood, thus the quality of your life.  Tonight’s sleep can determine how your tomorrow will be, so it should be top on any daily agenda.

2.  Establish a relaxing bedtime routine and create a sleep sanctuary.  Wind down before bed.  Take a bath, meditate, do whatever you need to do to relax and wipe away the day’s stress.  If you find your mind racing while trying to sleep, keep a pad of paper next to your bed and jot down what’s on your mind.  Make sure your bedroom is dark, cool and quiet and that your pillows, sleep surface and coverings provide you with comfort.

3. Exercise regularly, but finish your workout at least three hours before bedtime.

4. Avoid foods and drinks high in caffeine (coffee, colas, tea and chocolate) and alcohol a few hours before bedtime.  Caffeine and alcohol disturb sleep.  Nicotine may make it difficult to fall asleep and lead to fragmented sleep; those who smoke should get help to quit.

NOTE: If you suffer from chronic or severe insomnia, visit your doctor or a sleep disorders clinic to see if there is an underlying medical condition.

How to keep romantic feelings alive

How do happy couples keep their romantic feelings alive?  Like most good things in life, it requires desire and effort.  The following tips can help you and your partner work together to maintain or rekindle your romantic edge:

1. Communicate. Communication is key to staying connected.  It is important that you and your partner communicate your thoughts, plans, ideas and opinions on a consistent basis.  Equally important is communicating your feelings – the joys, sorrows or frustrations we all experience.

2. Fight fair. Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable.  Learn how to solve problems without attacking, blaming or put-downs.  It’s hard to maintain romantic feelings if you are constantly cutting each other down.  Happy couples know how to focus on the issue at hand, rather than throwing destructive, verbal punches.

3. Spend time together. With work, children and other responsibilities, it’s easy for your relationship to get pushed aside.  Taking the initiative to schedule time for just you and your spouse is an important way to keep intimacy alive and well.  Find shared activities you both enjoy.

4. Do nice things for each other. In successful relationships, both partners find small ways to make loving gestures on a regular basis.

5. Share affection. Giving affection through hugs, kisses, holding hands or touching – several meaningful touches a day – helps you maintain physical and emotional closeness.

6. Don’t let your sex life slide. Couples with satisfying sex lives have no problem keeping romantic feelings alive.  For various reasons, couples often put off sex for long periods of time.  Rather than waiting for the mood to strike you, decide to be intimate and see what happens.  Often, once you get started you’ll be more in the mood.

Participants were tracked until 2006 and researchers found that those with a score of zero were four times more likely to have died than those with a score of four.  The research showed that each point increased longevity incrementally and that those who practiced all four behaviors on average lived longer by 14 years.

Improving your health and longevity

To improve any of the four behaviors mentioned above, the following information can help.

1. To become a nonsmoker…Check out www.smokefree.gov, a website created by the National Cancer Institute for those trying to quit smoking, including self-help guides, support and interactive tools.

2. To increase your physical activity…Try fast walking. Fast walking burns the same amount of calories per mile as running and builds endurance, enhances muscle tone, strengthens bones and reduces stress.  Aim for 30 minutes or 10,000 steps per day.

3. To monitor your drinking…Follow the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ definition of moderate drinking, which is defined as having no more than one drink per day for most women and no more than two drinks per day for most men.  This definition is referring to the amount consumed on any single day and is not intended as an average over several days.

4. To increase your consumption of fruits and vegetables…Start your day with a homemade smoothie made with fresh or frozen fruit.  Mix in a blender with fruit juice and non-fat yogurt for a healthy and easy-to-make breakfast.

Resolution mistakes

According to the University of Washington researchers, the following are sure-fire ingredients for resolution failure:

1. Not thinking about making a resolution(s) until the last minute.
2. Reacting on New Year’s Eve and making your resolution(s) based on what’s bothering you or what is on your mind at the time.
3. Framing your resolution(s) in absolute terms, such as “I will never do X again.”

Tips for resolution success

The survey researchers offer the following tips to help you attain your New Year’s resolutions:

1. Have a strong initial commitment to make a change.
2. Have coping strategies to deal with problems or obstacles that are sure to come up.
3. Keep track of your progress.  The more monitoring you do and the more feedback you get, the better you’ll do.

Take credit for success when you achieve a resolution, say the researchers, but it is a mistake to blame yourself if you fail.  Instead, the researchers say, look at the barriers that were in your way.  See how you can do better the next time and figure out a better plan to succeed.  You do get to try again and can make behavior changes throughout the year, not only at New Year’s.

Happiness activities

Live with purpose. People who strive for something personally significant – whether it’s learning a new skill, raising a good family, or changing careers – are happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations.  Pick one or more significant goals and devote time and effort pursuing them.  The process of working towards your goal is as important to your well being as its attainment.

Nurture your relationships. A Japanese study published last year found that contented people’s happy experiences most often involved connecting with someone.  Happy people have a strong bond with at least two out of three of these essential relationships: a partner, a friend, or a parent.  Experts say the best way to improve a relationship is to invest time and energy in it.

Count your blessings. One way to feel happier is to recognize good things when they happen.  Express gratitude for what you have privately and also by conveying appreciation to others.  If you have trouble counting your blessings, try keeping a gratitude journal.  Write down three to five things you’re grateful for once a week.  Several studies show that people who record what they appreciate experience greater happiness and less anxiety.

Practice kindness. Do good things for others.  Acting kind or helping others makes you feel capable, compassionate and full of purpose.  In one recent study, researchers could literally see the benefits of kindness.  Subjects were hooked up to a brain-imaging mechanism and asked to click yes or no to charity-giving opportunities.  When they donated, the machine registered a boost in blood flow to a part of the brain associated with happiness.

Cultivate optimism. Keep a journal where you write your best possible future.  Practice seeing the bright side of every situation.  Studies show that optimistic thoughts can be self-fulfilling and that optimists are healthier, happier and live longer than pessimists.